Dear Elpis Responses
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Dear Elpis Responses ·
February 2025
Dear Elpis,
I have been with the company with for more than 16 years, have seen ups and downs but this is now affecting my department.
My company is downsizing, with a ton of people being laid off. They are now letting go of my Network/Infrastructure engineer and I am faced with the challenge of hiring/getting a new person cross trained in a very short period of time. How can I ask to extend the contract of my current Network/Infrastructure engineer so we dont rush through the cross training and miss important details?
Infrahelp
Dear Infrahelp,
As downsizing decisions are typically driven by financial considerations, you will need to justify your request with concrete data on the costs to the company. What would be the true financial and operational impact of this rushed change?
For the past, how many outages have been prevented in the past six months due to the current engineer’s efforts? How many escalations has this engineer managed? How many junior engineers rely on their expertise? And going forward, how much will critical projects be delayed by? How will the rate of bug/escalation management drop with this change?
P.S.: Your question is unclear—why is the company letting go of one engineer while hiring another who will need to be trained in the same skills? If the position isn’t redundant, what is the reasoning behind the layoff? Is it due to performance?
Hope this helps,
Elpis
Infrahelp
February 2025
Dear Elpis,
I am a staff software engineer. I have a question about domain switching. After working in data infra domain for more than a decade, I recently transferred to a team to work on AI infra. While I learned a lot in the new team, I often felt that it's hard to perform at the same level as before. Do you think it's worth it switching domains, especially in the environment with less job security?
12feetdeep
Dear 12feetdeep,
Adding a new domain to your resume has made it more robust and well-rounded. In the early stages of a software engineer’s career, growth tends to be linear. However, at the staff software engineer level, growth becomes more cross-functional and cross-domain. Expanding in this way increases your value to the company.
Consider a CTO responsible for multiple domains—such as infrastructure, product, reliability, program management, and user interface. To make informed hiring, strategy, and project decisions, they must have a solid understanding of each domain. By deepening your expertise in another critical area, you’re positioning yourself for long-term success.
I understand that stepping into a new domain can be daunting, especially when you feel less equipped than your peers. The good news is that AI is evolving so rapidly that even experienced engineers are facing impostor syndrome.
In your case, I believe switching domains was the right move. In general, when choosing between job opportunities, people weigh micro factors—such as domain interest, compensation, and team culture—alongside macro factors like job security. The best decision is one that satisfies both the heart and mind, making it the right choice for that moment in your career.
Hope this helps,
Elpis
12feetdeep
February 2025
Dear Elpis,
I am engineering manager and my product partner and I are not getting along well. I think he is often not honest with me and I often feel excluded from decision making and strategy. I also don't agree with some of his strategy. I am focusing on execution but the underlying misalignments are there. How can I make the collaboration work better?
Unhappymanager
Dear Unhappymanager,
Dealing with conflicts with a close work partner can be challenging, and it's admirable that you've managed to maintain professionalism so far. I assume you've already taken the obvious steps—raising the issue with both your and their manager, having direct conversations with the product partner, and revisiting key decisions in a broader forum.
At this point, it may be helpful to dig deeper and identify what’s bothering you the most. Try ranking these factors in order of impact:
A strategic direction you believe is wrong for the product
Feeling personally disrespected due to being excluded
Feeling professionally disrespected due to being excluded
Losing credibility over time as others see you sidelined in decisions
Professional dishonesty by the product partner, even if it leads to a good outcome
Once you’ve ranked them, focus on the top one or two concerns and revisit your previous steps—escalating to leadership, speaking with the product partner, and reopening discussions—this time with a sharper focus on your core issue. A more targeted approach can help clarify the misalignment to key stakeholders, such as managers and cross-functional leaders. You may also want to propose new processes that directly address your primary concern.
If the situation still doesn’t improve, it may be time to either move up into a role where you have greater influence over strategy or move on to an environment where mutual respect is valued.
Hope this helps,
Elpis
Unhappymanager
February 2025
Dear Elpis,
How do I switch my QA job to data analyst job?
Gups1
Dear Gups1,
It sounds like you're not asking about the specific skills needed or how to search for a job, but rather how to make a successful career transition to a new role.
Start by making a list of everything that might be holding you back from either applying for a data analyst position or securing one if you've already applied. Below are some potential roadblocks, along with suggestions on how to address them.
To build up the necessary skills for this new career path, consider serving non-profit organizations that need data analysts for free, or taking on contract work through your network. You could also volunteer at your current job to gain experience with data analysis tasks. This will likely require extra time beyond your regular job, but pursuing your passion often demands this kind of commitment. Additionally, working on personal projects and showcasing them on your LinkedIn profile, GitHub, or a personal website can help demonstrate your skills.
Networking is also crucial. Join data analyst-related meetups, alumni groups, and Facebook or LinkedIn groups. These communities will not only keep you updated on industry trends but also help you identify gaps in your knowledge that you can focus on filling.
Keep in mind that making this switch might involve a pay cut in the short-term. It’s important to take a close look at your finances to determine how much income you need and how much of a pay cut you can afford. If you’re unsure how to make this assessment, hiring a flat-fee financial consultant could be a valuable investment.
Hope this helps,
Elpis
Gups1
February 2025
Dear Elpis,
I am working in the same company for almost 20 years now. My job has supported me and my family through thick and thin. Also I always have a reason not to change - kids are small, kid in high school, spouse just changed jobs, need to study/ prepare for interviews and above all the comfort of working remotely etc etc and 20 years just passed by. But deep down, I keep thinking ( a lot) that I missed out on so much. With all recent changes in the tech industry it’s hard to keep up as well. Part of me wants to just coast to retirement, but another part of me is screaming to do something more. I'm just really torn and unsure what to do...
Iti2007
Dear Iti2007,
You’ve done an incredible job building your career and supporting your family—truly commendable!
My personal recommendation is to take the leap and try something new. However, the "new thing" doesn't necessarily need to be the conventional path of pursuing a higher title or salary in a new job. It could also be something that complements your current role instead of replacing it entirely.
Here are three steps to help you navigate your next move:
First, recognize the wealth of experience and knowledge you’ve accumulated over the past 20 years. Take time to reflect on who you are today and how your crystallized intelligence can open up new opportunities for you. (Book recommendation: From Strength to Strength by Arthur C. Brooks).
Second, identify which aspects of your work bring you fulfillment, which ones feel draining, and which ones cause frustration. Understanding these will guide you in determining what you truly want to pursue moving forward. (Book recommendation: Designing Your Life: How to Build a Well-Lived, Joyful Life by Bill Burnett and Dave Evans).
Third, consider your physical constraints, like financial obligations and dependent children. Managing two high-demand corporate jobs between spouses can be overwhelming and mentally taxing. I’ve seen couples where one partner steps back for 4-5 years to allow the other to focus, and then they switch roles when the time feels right.
Hope this helps,
Elpis
Iti2007
February 2025
Dear Elpis,
I often struggle with employees who are not as productive as I would like. How do I motivate them to work harder?
Employeesbelazywhy
Dear Employeesbelazywhy,
As a manager or team lead, this is an ongoing challenge. Unfortunately, the root cause can be one of many. Assuming you’ve already provided support for any temporary setbacks like illness, here are two ways to begin addressing the issue, along with two commonly overlooked scenarios from my experience.
Start by observing your employee in different situations to gain insight into what truly motivates them. Did you notice a spark in them while working on a particular project or discussing a certain topic? If so, that could be a key to understanding what drives them and the kinds of tasks or projects they’re best suited for. While it may not always be possible to switch projects, an open and honest conversation with the employee can go a long way. If they see that you truly understand them, they may be more inclined to trust your leadership and reciprocate with improved performance.
Next, consider whether aspects of your team’s culture could be impacting productivity. Does the employee perform better when collaborating with certain people or when a project is managed in a specific way? If so, can you make adjustments to the situation, or can you coach the employee on how to better navigate the current team dynamics?
From my experience, there are two subtle scenarios that newer managers often overlook.
The first is when a manager assumes employees understand the mission and project details as clearly as they do. People are often hesitant to admit they don’t understand something, and remote or hybrid work can exacerbate this issue by removing key non-verbal cues. To address this, you need to prioritize communication—both 1:1 and team-wide—ensuring everyone is on the same page.
The second scenario is when managers try to motivate employees with extrinsic rewards. However, humans generally perform better when their motivation is intrinsic—that is, when they believe the task or idea was their own. A great way to foster this is by involving employees in the decision-making process. Instead of presenting a decision, lay out the facts and ask them what they think should be done next.
These are just a few tools from a manager’s playbook, and I hope one resonates with your current situation. If you'd like a more tailored response, feel free to share a specific scenario, and I’ll be happy to provide a more focused solution.
Hope this helps,
Elpis
Employeesbelazywhy
February 2025
Dear Elpis,
I have a question regarding work life balance. How would you advise one to balance climbing of professional ladders while balancing time for friends and family?
hypo
Dear hypo,
While everyone's career journey is unique, there are two guiding principles I follow that help me zoom out and see the bigger picture when making daily decisions about how to manage my time.
First, remember that your career is a marathon, not a sprint. A new project, a promotion, or a job offer isn’t the finish line—it’s just one step in a long-term process.
Second, there can only be one highest priority in your life at any given time. A young child or a sick parent is a clear example of that. This doesn’t mean every moment is devoted to that priority. It simply means that when issues related to your highest priority arise, they’ll require your full attention, pulling you away from other commitments. I think of life as juggling multiple balls, with one particular ball that you can’t afford to drop. Understanding which “ball” (whether career progression, personal relationships, or business growth) is the most important at any given moment helps you make better decisions when you're pulled in multiple directions.
These principles won’t eliminate the push and pull between career and family. But they can help you make more thoughtful daily choices. For example, recognizing that your child is your highest priority will help you avoid feeling guilty about missing an evening work call, even if there are consequences. Or, if you’re focused on landing a major business deal, you’ll be able to fully enjoy the limited time you have with friends, rather than feeling rushed or distracted.
Hope this helps,
Elpis
hypo
February 2025
Dear Elpis,
How to pick a new hobby given a tech job takes all of your free time?
hobby7
Dear hobby7,
I would begin by asking yourself: Why do you want a new hobby? Let me take a guess at a few reasons and offer some guidance.
If your goal is to refresh your mind regularly, consider choosing an activity that can be done in small, manageable chunks—perhaps 1-2 hours a week. Think of this hobby as a vital part of your self-care routine, alongside rest, food, and exercise.
If a specific activity is calling your attention, it’s worth giving it a try. Treat it like a project: estimate how much time it will require, both weekly and over the long term. Then, work it into your work and family schedule.
If connecting with a community is your goal, search for a meetup group that fits your interests and schedule—whether it's through your local library, church, or platforms like Meetup, Facebook, or other social media. If you can't find one that fits your schedule, consider starting your own group.
A quick sidenote: if your tech job is consuming all your free time, that suggests a deeper issue with boundaries. A hobby is not the solution to this problem. Try to get to the root of the problem and address it.
Hope this helps,
Elpis
hobby7
February 2025
Dear Elpis,
I am a tech lead on my team . How do I decide whether to stay on the technical leadership path or move to engineering management ?
Peanut24
Dear Peanut24,
In Silicon Valley, it's common for professionals to switch between individual contributor and engineering management roles. So, the real question to consider is: which path do you want to pursue for the next 2-5 years?
When it comes to compensation, both tracks offer strong, progressive growth opportunities, so it shouldn't be a deciding factor. Both roles demand technical expertise, project execution, and significant cross-functional influence. They'll also both involve a fair share of firefighting and reprioritization challenges. As you advance, each role will increasingly require you to tackle more complex, ambiguous problems.
As a senior tech lead, you’ll have the space to dive into the latest research, explore how it could apply to your work, define technical direction, and help shape the company’s future. While managers can also engage with these aspects, their focus is more fragmented, as they juggle responsibilities upward, downward, and sideways. This makes it harder to maintain a deep focus on technical exploration.
On the other hand, as a manager, you’ll have the chance to coach, mentor, and develop your team. You’ll learn to identify the right talent, assign people to the right projects, manage crises while ensuring key projects stay on track, and oversee larger initiatives without being as hands-on. Your impact will extend beyond individual projects, influencing the team and company on a broader scale. Your legacy will be the changes you bring to the team culture.
If the idea of stepping away from research for a few years doesn’t excite you, or if you're not ready to give up that space, staying a tech lead might be the better choice. If you're uncertain, exploring an engineering manager role could offer valuable insight into what path is the right fit for you.
Hope this helps,
Elpis
Peanut24
February 2025
Dear Elpis,
What are the most compelling ways to showcase my contributions and impact when discussing a raise? Specifically, what metrics or accomplishments should I emphasize?
newleaf25
Dear newleaf25,
Your compensation is influenced not only by your own performance over the last cycle, but also by that of the market and company. You have varying levels of control over each of these. While it seems that you're primarily interested in individual performance, let's explore all three, as they are interconnected.
Market performance, though the least within your control, is easier to assess than company performance. By obtaining an external offer, speaking with industry peers, and consulting public databases like levels.fyi, you can gain a clearer understanding of what you deserve.
Company performance is the factor the organization cares most about. So, in order to make a conversation about a raise productive, one should link their individual performance to the company’s overall success. In such a conversation, focus on accomplishments that directly align with the company’s goals. There are two key aspects to this discussion: the impact of the project itself and the contribution you made to the project. For the latter, it’s crucial to gather support from your peers who worked on the project.
Finally, keep in mind that raises are typically based on performance evaluations. Therefore, the optimal time to initiate this conversation is during your performance evaluation period.
Hope this helps,
Elpis
newleaf25
January 2025
Dear Elpis,
How do you know if its time to move to another company or team?
Sunshine
Dear Sunshine,
Short answer - when your current job no longer aligns with your top 3 values, or is unable to provide for your top 3 needs.
All of us have needs - basic needs such as food, clothing and shelter, which can be clubbed as financial freedom for family/self. And bigger needs such as need for recognition via promotions/raises, need for mental stimulation/growth, need for human connection, need for unstructured time to recuperate via meditation/exercise/entertainment etc.
And we live by certain values - principles for which we would raise a voice or change our course. A good way to identify your values is by reflecting on what makes you angry. For example, if your blood boils when you hear of injustice, then fairness and objectiveness is one of your values. Or, if corruption and dishonesty completely disgusts you, then you value honesty, authenticity, and truth.
I suggest thinking hard about your top 3 needs and top 3 values. First, prioritize them individually and then merge the two lists and stack rack them. You will have to think hard about prioritizing a need above a value or vice-versa.
Once you have the final list, see which ones align or clash with your current job. For example, if your need for attaining financial freedom fast is on top of your list, you may want to find another job with better pay as long as the other 5 things in the list are not compromised. But if your heart is strongly calling you towards a value such as social justice, environmental health etc, then you have two options - either your day job should empower you to make a difference in the cause you believe in. Or, it should give you enough free time (e.g. no late evening calls), so that you can fulfill your value elsewhere.
A common clash of values seen in the workplace is when a strong core value such as honesty, or a strong need such as need for autonomy, is being actively challenged every day by the actions of colleagues around you. This is a clear sign to start looking for a new place that aligns better with your values and needs.
There are several resources on the internet to find your values and needs. I suggest you simply start with a list (values, needs), set a timer for 2 minutes and circle everything you like. Transfer those on a new sheet of paper. Then set a timer for 2 minutes, and pick top 3. In about 5 minutes, you will have a fair idea of your top 6 needs. You can then spend some time stack ranking them by asking hard questions like - would I trade my self-worth for growth?
It is a good idea to do this exercise once every two years, or after a major life changing event, as our needs and values change over time.
Hope this helps,
Elpis
Sunshine